Primate Drama

2012 Bully

2012-01-01T19:08:00.000+07:00

I work.

Yes i know it sounds very cheap. Working doesn't suit bullies very well. Bullies supposed to be rich, and light, and easy, and DON'T WORK. But the fact is, I am officially a labor now. I know, i know, life is a big-time-unfair-bitch, i won't get start on that yet.

Anyway, since the working period, my life has been pretty much occupied by the works. And during that period, i learned a very important lesson (yes, we bitches sometimes learn something, but not too much, still keeping it light) ;

THE MORE SUCCESSFUL BITCH YOU ARE, THE LESS PEOPLE CAN ACCESS YOUR LIFE INFORMATION.

Let's see the case,

Whenever i go scuba diving or sailing on a yacht (oh yes, i am getting more faboulash every time), the world could not contact me at all. In additional, i was also very busy enjoying The Moment, no time at all for existence proving in cyber world (or Social Media world as we call it). And I met a lot of Super-Extremely-Successful People who rarely (or never) touch the Social Media.

WHY? Because successful people don't bother THAT CRAP. First, successful people have too many things to do in REAL LIFE so, the NOT-SO-REAL-OR-EVEN-NOT-REAL-AT-ALL-LIFE-CALLED-SOCIAL-MEDIA won't get even the tiny share of our serious attention portion. Second, IF we have the spare time, we use it for the REAL HOLIDAY getting away from those millions unworthy other insignificant common humans. We don't want to contaminate our precious happy moments with mortal rubbish. The more Successful people become, the more God-like they behave. Third, Successful People are Expensive People, and Expensive stuffs are always Limited. Only those who have the privilege could talk to them, see them, meet them, know them, or even just to hear about them.

So you active and well-known bloggers, or you twitter celebrities (and other unreal celebrities), EAT THAT!

That is the new lesson I learned in 2011.

By that, In the beginning of this 2012, I already set the new standards. Mark that mortal people. If you haven't heard about me, then you haven't deserve to know me. You're hitchhiking inter-cities, I'm hitchhiking inter-galaxies. I won't be bothered.

Ciao human beings.

Those Are Why We Despite You

2010-07-08T21:04:00.002+07:00

Folks keep questioning me: "why don't you befriend with geek mates?"

WHY???

First of all, they are weird. That's why we named them 'weirdo'. They think weird, they talk weird, they act weird. I don't get them. At all.

They don't stand to basic human qualification. They talk about things no one knows, in language no one knows. I'm sorry, but i'm keeping it real here. I want someone real as well. Not someone inhumane.

And look at all those creepy creatures, they don't have friends. Seriously. Have you ever seen a weirdo with friends? What's wrong with them you asked me?? Simple. These creatures are born with a particular gift--a tendency to be hated. As simple as that.
They annoy people with their incapabilities of interacting socially. It's not my fault no one wants to befriend with them.

And you're telling me to sympathyze these creatures?? No fvcking way.
I say it now: They are dangerous creatures. Seriously.

These kind of creatures are the most potential social climbers. Once they got the chance to gain popularity, they'll go for it. They are the worst ass-licking species. And once they're invited to the fame, they'll start to jerk-off. Trust me.

You think they don't care with such thing called popularity? because they're different? unique? intelligent? Bullshit. One that they care most is: Popularity. They just simply don't have a clue how to get it.
I don't believe there's someone reject popularity. That is just a Big Nonsense. People say it just because they can't afford it. It's called the denial proccess. Well I'm sorry, I CAN.

Face it, we're living in a jungle called life. There's no such thing called unique. We all want the same thing. Somehow, in one way or any other way, life is a Popularity Contest. And these creatures named weirdo, geek, whatever, are better to be bullied. They are the worst enemies for popular people, they climb social ladder, ALL THE TIME. And since they have low social interaction capabilities, they definitely will jerk-off. YES. An Ungrateful Species. Eat them! Or you'll be eaten.

So next time you asked me why i'm so cruel with those creepy bugs, help yourself read this fact.

Don't Mess With My Girls

2010-05-28T16:29:00.000+07:00

Yes, i know, i'm a rotten cherry.
Yes, i realized some of my friends are just MEAN.
Yes, i befriend with the mean biatches.

They are my FRIENDS, so unless you are one of them, STAY OFF! Don't mess with them (or one of them). I dont give a shit even if you are some kind of saints or you have sixth sense or seventh or hell-yeah-ninety-ninth sense. My friends' enemies are my enemies as well. You mess with them, you mess with ME. I'll chop your head off!--literally.

*tribute to robespierre

"I am is I am"

2010-04-19T02:26:00.002+07:00

This morning I read an article in a women magazine—the eye-candy-hot-tamale-guy section. It’s a covering story of this particular good looking metrosexual guy. Quite good-looking I have to admit. I mean, well, regular chicks will easily fall for him, straight to his bed. The article informs about the guy’s personal data, hobbies, activities, girl-type, and stuffs.

Then I came to this guy favorite quote. I read “I am is I am”. Wait, did I read it wrong? I took another look, and no, I didn’t. The article certainly write down “I am is I am”. I hesitated for a sec, then I burst into laughter. Holy Mother, Ave Maria, this article is unbelievable. Up to this point, i was curious if the magz editted it wrong, or they did it on purpose?
The image in the article portrayed that the guy is confident, successful, and attractive, and smart—like he is the perfect picture of guys to be worshipped. Wait, smart? No way. Oh no, no darling, he is just another pile of lump with dick stuck to it. This guy exactly doesn’t have a single clue. He is a total dickhead, brainless.

I mean, come on, it’s not very a special quotes. You can find it in every page in magazines or books. Then how possibly on earth he quoted it wrong?? Like “I am WHAT I am” is such a difficult phrase to remember?? Didn’t they teach them at elementary school that there can’t be two countinuously different ‘to be’ in a sentence or a phrase?? Did every boy bribeb the principal to pass the exam?? If not, why are these boys so incredibly stupid??

But then to think again, well, it’s merely a choice. Either you are good-looking or you are smart. You can’t be both. And then I took another look at the guy picture. Okay boy, you’ve got the look, it’s a wise choice. Like I’ve said before, knowledge kills you. After all, it won’t bring you anywhere. It won’t make you get laid, good-look will.

But then it made me come to think again, so the guys I date and slept with are all dumbass??? Shit. What was I thinking?? Oh, right, I forgot, I’m a shallow girl as well. What do I expect?? Stupid people reproduce, smart people masturbate.

The Skinny Bitches Justification*

2010-04-17T03:15:00.000+07:00

The skinny vs. curvy thing has been bothering me a lot. After all the books I consumed, all the movies I slept with, all the music I dag—I have to admit this grotesque fact—I’m still obsessed with ‘being skinny’.

I am 164 cm height and 52 kg weight. And that is just fine—actually. But unfortunately, I still want to be skinnier, I want a 48. Yes, I do. I am one of those ungrateful bitches.

It happens a lot to come into my mind: ‘Why am I so shallow? Why am I trapped in this unhealthy mindset?’ I search, and explore, and hypothesize all the possibilities of justification of what I do. I don’t want to commit a crime without a conscience; I want to commit a crime in a fully aware conscience, on a strong groundwork of knowledge.

I happen to be not a very brilliant girl. I have no talent (like you have read before). I have no kindness and all of those behavior-inner-beauties bullshit. So what left for me? This mortal physical body. I have to make my best of it. The next question is: Why skinny? Why not curvy or athletic type? Simple, because being skinny takes a lot. You sacrifice all the oh-my-god-unbefvcklivable-so-delightful foods. You have to exercise constantly pretty much for the whole entire rest of your life. God knows, it takes everything—everything that definitely torches your soul. And when something takes a lot, it pays off a lot. Believe me.

When you’re skinny, it means that you are a hard worker. You deserve respect from others for your glorious efforts. Girls will look up to you. If they don’t, it’s simply because they are extremely jealous—they conceal the jealousy behind the hatred mask. Whose fault is that, if they can’t take care of their own body? Definitely not me. I’m not the one who put all the calories into their mouth, or sleeps in the exercise time. Don’t come to skinny girls and say things like “yeah, it’s easy for you, you were born skinny”, or “it’s genetic, there’s nothing I can do about it”. Oh please, like there’s no such thing called diet? Or cardio exercise? Puh-lease, give me a break. I worked my ass off to get into this shape. That’s why I bully. I have all the legitimate I need: PERSISTENT HARD WORK.

It’s okay if you prefer to keep your lard, but you know I can always bully you—face it. If you’re objected to it, then bully me back if you can. Show me your hard work ‘cause I’ve shown you mine. Admit it that being fat is not because simply your choices, but also because of your slackness—stop denying it. You think I am mean? Guess what? So is the universe!

*This justification could be used only by fierce people. For those who aren’t, get your hands off this piece of mind work. Stop trying.

Love It! #2

2010-04-09T02:19:00.001+07:00

The 5 Stages of a Hangover

Stage 1 - Stupid: As you regain consciousness and begin to enjoy the headache, the churning stomach and the cold sweats you realise that you have lost not only several hours of your life but also the ability to concentrate on anything whatsoever. You are now STUPID and will remain so for a minimum of 12 hours.

Stage 2 - Ugly: Never entirely happy with the effects of the bathroom mirror first thing you are horrified to discover that you have now become even UGLIER than you previously thought possible. Not only do you have bloodshot eyes and a glorious collection of spots but you are shaking so much that your grandfather probably looks healthier.Unfortunately you are still too STUPID to know better than to try and shave whilst shaking or to remember the necessary beauty tips to paper over the cracks.

Stage 3 - Poor: Having crawled out of bed and got dressed, you are about to shamble out the door when you discover that the money that was suppose to last you the week is now missing from your wallet. You do however find a lime from one of your numerous Captain and Cokes from the night before in your pocket. Being STUPID, you have no idea what happened to it but the traces of "Chicken on a Stick" on your clothes allow the possibility that you might have treated everyone to grub at some point. Alternatively your pocket could have been picked or you might have given the taxi driver a fifty by mistake. Rationalising that you couldn't possibly have been that STUPID and that you would remember being robbed, you come to believe that you were the only one who bought any food or drinks all night and start to loathe all your friends.

Stage 4 - Fragile: As you are now STUPID, UGLY and POOR, your consequently FRAGILE self-esteem plummets. Your already fragile, physical condition, is made worse by this until you think you are likely to melt or shatter if handled at all roughly

Stage 5 - Circus Freak: This is the final stage of sobering up. Unfortunately, everyone can spot this CIRCUS FREAK condition and its cause from a great distance. Even worse, they know that they can complete your misery by making fun of you, and that you are too STUPID to retaliate, too FRAGILE to hit them, too POOR to bribe them and too UGLY to hide.

From:
http://blogs.myspace.com/captainmorgan_rum

Love It!

2010-04-09T02:06:00.002+07:00

The 5 Stages of being a Drunken-Fool

Stage 1 - SMART This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING This is when you realise that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 - RICH This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armoured truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.

Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.

From:
http://blogs.myspace.com/captainmorgan_rum
this guy is genius.

I Deserve It

2010-04-08T04:17:00.002+07:00

On the previous post, I mentioned that I have no talent at all. Here goes the story:

After today’s 1000m swim at a sport center, I went to the cafeteria to smoke my cigarette. There’s a Tae Kwon Do class nearby. There I saw a little boy being taught to break a pile of wood using his foot. Suddenly, the good old days rewinding themselves before my eyes.

I joined Tae Kwon Do when I was at the 5th grade. My parents wanted me to learn the value of self-discipline. Somehow, I managed myself through the snow and the storm, up to the ‘2 striped-red blue belt’—3 more levels to the black belt. It took everything to get to that particular level, especially the whole crazy practices. My back screeching each time I remember these stuffs. But I quitted. I couldn’t bear any longer ever since the couch required me to break the wood pile, and yelled at me every time I failed—which in my case is ALWAYS.

Then it came to the piano class. Ahhh, yes, those piano days. I was a pianist as well. My parents signed me into piano class since I was 4 years old. I played piano for 10 years. Now? I can’t lay a single finger on that string instrument without making people's ears deft. I read and wrote block note, I did several concerts, I composed several songs, until one day, I realized that I’m not a musical-talented kid.
My technical abilities were acknowledged as a rate-A, but I also well-known as a emotionless pianist—impassionate. I played flat. I couldn’t listen to a song and directly find the similar key notes with it, while other students at the same grade—even lower grade—were already able to do that. Even some of my friends who never get the formal education are able to do that, I mean, I played ‘Moonlight Sonata’ for god’s sake! Then why can’t I easily do that stuff of repeating by listening? I couldn’t read number symbol, I only did the block notes. I have to write down on music sheets first if I want to add some extras to a song, I couldn’t spontaneously play the variation. It was such a waste, all those swollen finger books (spanked by the teacher’s rulers), all those back aches for still-sitting, all those beauty-nap time. God knows I tried my bests. Then I quitted for the sake of the family money.

And I sang. I joined my kindergarten’s children choir. I was a soloist. I sang in front of thousands of people in many events. I won several choir contests. I got into children song recording—yes, I have an album fyi. Then in the elementary school, I was the youngest student who got elected in the core-choir group. I won several contest as well and performed in front of thousands of people in numerous events. I did several recordings, and one of them was used as a TV show jingle. Pretty impressive huh? Then in the junior high I realized it. I’m not talented at singing. My junior high is a public school. Unlike the previous school, it has students from wide-variety backgrounds. They sang soulfully. I sang flat. That’s it. I’m done at singing.

And I painted. Yes I painted a lot when I was at the elementary school. I painted on paper, canvas, fabric, and wall. I was my painting teachers’ favorite. They all loved me. My paintings were always showed at school’s fairs or exhibitions. One of my paintings was elected amongst some other paintings sent by Indonesia Government to the Buckingham Palace in the commemoration of the Princess Diana tragic death. Then again, in the junior high it happens—the awakening. In junior high, we didn’t paint just like we used to do in the elementary school. Here, we were taught about the theory and how to put it in our works. Shit. I swear all my art teachers cursed the day I was born.

Those are some chapters of my old glorious days. Such a waste of time, money, and energy. Now that I have realized my unfortunate fate, I only am focusing my energy on substantial things; getting tanned and skinny. It don’t take a talented genius to do it right. After all, a fierce physical look will never go wrong. It’s the new modern way to attain a higher social status.

Anyhow, I think there’s still a bright hope from the story of my young hood: I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE POPULAR GIRL. For all of those achievements I made, I DESERVE popularity from people. Maybe some—okay, a lot of—people hate me, but they certainly know my name. That is why, exactly, I remain as a bully all these years. I was lulled by the luxury of popularity.

But then again, we shall not live in the shadow of the past”. Today, I have a fierce look and five-star popularity. I think it's all you need for being a bully. Well then, I am a highly legitimate bully.

emotionally dettached

2010-04-07T13:52:00.000+07:00

I didn't shed a single tear watching titanic, armageddon, pearl harbor, ps i love you, dear john, my name is khan, love story, twilight, accross the universe, and those kind of movies. In fact, i hate them.

There's nothing personal, it's a matter of personal taste. For me, those movies story are crap. People easily fall for them because they hugely expose issues that touch our emotions. In 'my name is khan', they bring up these issues of inter-culture marriage, race discrimination, moslem's are not a terrorist, and others humanity stuffs. Oh please, anyone can cry if you come with sad stories related to such issues. It's not that i don't think those issues are unimportant. My point is, if you want to make a good movie, please--big time please, don't just rely on exploiting your audiences tears. And one more thing, these kind of movies always feature physically gorgeous leading actors/actress, besides that, nothing more than just a plain rubbish plot.

But i do cry--i'm only human after all (all the drama i mean). I cried like a baby watching Edward the Scissorhand, Don Quixote, Little Prince, Lion King, The Hours, AI, Dogville, and so on. I even cried wathcing the ring and ju-on trilogy. Yes, indeed, i CRIED, a big-loud-cry.

But then again, it's my own personal taste. And hey, after all, it's my blog. I can write anything i want. I don't give a shit if you hate this posting. Go to your own thing, and go fvck yourself.

Knowledge Kills You

2010-04-06T19:10:00.000+07:00

Being a smart girl (obviously not me) sometimes--well, most of the times--put you in a very difficult situation. Smart girls are socially alienated and labeled as a geek. It's the nature of society; the majority (stupid people) oppress the minority (smart girls).

Smart girls always aware of what happens around them. They see things thoroughly and critically, wisely analyze and provide brilliant formulas. A very useful primate species for social development. But with that awesome gift called brain, they see life as bitter hell on earth. They become skeptic, cynical, and harsh to other people--stupid people. They become confused all the time to live life correctly because of their brain and its capacity to absorb and analyze information. Their knowledge put them in a very difficult situation of choosing the right things--and the situation last forever. Pity Them.

And there's another reason to pity them, a more realistic one:

You see, there is a creature called boy who has this unbelievable enormous ego. They hate other creatures that smarter than them. They corner, bully, abuse, and do many other evil things that possibly kill these intellectual competitors. Why? Because men can't afford themselves to get into those smart girls pants. No, not even close. Men hate rejection. And they hate smart girls for their rejection of men sexual-persona-charm. That's how men got into the revenge agenda towards these bunch of smart girls. But smart girls are human as well. They need affection (sex too). In fact, the smarter a girl the bigger this biological need. And for hetero girls, they need men as partners for this particular need. Poor girls, they might know all the knowledge in the universe, but they simply don't have a clue in attracting boys. That's how a truly smart girl remains as a nun.

Dumb girls, on the other hands, have easier life to live with. They don't think. They choose thing just because they choose it. Shits and other facts don't bother them.
Hail the dumb girls. They master the key of happiness. Ignorance is a bliss for them.

So you see, knowledge is overrated. What is the point of being smart? What do you get from it? Exactly nothing.
If you personally fancy a morbid-bleak life, then commit a suicide, be a smart girl. But if you want to get laid, be a plastic, a dumb-blond-typical girl. Or at least act dumb.

To Tan or Not To Tan

2010-04-05T16:35:00.000+07:00

I love tanning. It's my new passion. Well, not actually a passion, simply because i have nothing to do at this period of my life. And since i'm not a tallented kid AT ALL, i could only do easy hobbies. And tanning needs no particular tallent. That's how i got into this bikinis bussiness.

Those dumb-hipster-typical girls always ask the same question to me: "Why you go on tanning, while you're already not a fair-toned-skin one?"

I try this explanation at the first time:
If you're already a fair-toned-skin, it's okay if you like fair tone, but if you're a dark-toned-skin, it's ridiculous to get obsessed to lighten up your skin tone. Why? because it means that: YOU'RE STILL LIVING IN THE COLONIALISM AGE. White is better than black is a value created by the former European (Caucassian) oppressor of this country. Its purpose is to brainwash the 'inlander' that we, Indonesian, are inferior in every aspects of life, including before the Eye of the God. But that was long ago. And fyi, all those princess of the ancient kingdoms in indonesia's history is dark-toned-skin, like Ken Dedes, Roro Mendut, etc. All historical documents mention their dark-tone-skin while explaining their incredibly unbeliavable beauty.
So why bother yourself to whiten your skin tone when you're not born white? Can't you just give some appreciation to your own ethnic race beauty? Why leave in the shadow of the bitter past? Even those European are ashamed for what they did and try to erase it from their memory, but you, you plastic biatches, you walk proudly in all of your whitening products??? Oh Please, just shoot me.

With that long and comprehensive explanation, i'll tell them that i want to embrace my ethnic kind of beauty.
Guess how they responsed to it?
"Ahh, you're just trying to get a foreigner as your boyfriend."

What the???
After all those historical, social, and comprehensive explanation, that is all i can get??
Crap.

So much for beauty, brain, and behaviour. So much for BRAIN. I better stay as a bully, so next time they ask me why i go on tanning, i'll answer:
"Well, just because i can. I can wear bikinis without being pain in the people's eyes, while you're not."

Serve that well.

Auntie, you are the fiercest amongst all...

2010-04-05T01:46:00.000+07:00

lunch time at a restaurant downtown in yogyakarta:

waiter : there you go, 2 meatball soup.
me : thank you. can i have 2 iced tea please?
waiter : right away.
me : auntie, i go grab some napkins.
auntie : hm.
me : (back from the other table, seeing my aunt stirring her spoon in my bowl) auntie? what are you doing in my soup?
auntie : cleaning the spoon. you should do it as well.
me : in my soup????

oh auntie, you're just so genius.

Dating is a Political Statement

2010-04-05T00:24:00.000+07:00

Somehow i never got myself into a dating situation. They have always been ‘friends’ or ‘just-met-friends’. It was all started in junior high school. At that time, i only had this ability of knowing what i want without an ability to analyze. Back at those day, i was simply disgusted by this reciprocal-display-of-affection kind of relationship. I was. But now, i have upgraded my brain capacity to explain it:

Girls, most of them feel insecure, ALL THE TIME. They don’t shop alone, they don’t travel alone, they don’t eat alone, they don’t go to the bathroom alone. They feel not pretty enough ALL THE TIME. By having someone called ‘boyfriend’ (or girlfriend), they feel HIGHLY PRICED, wanted, worth to be fighting for, therefore, they feel secure. CRAP.

Girls want to arm themselves. That is actually the only way to put it. They need this warfare called guys (or girls) to face the world-wide society pressure. Yes, blame it to the silly society. This exactly sounds like those kind of countries that arm themselves to gain security (security dilemma in Kegley and Wittkopf, World Politics, 2001).

Then i came up with this conclusion; dating is a political statement. Indeed. If you feel insecure, and the only way you could see yourself survive in the jungle of the society is by arming yourself with a date (or some dates), then you’ve made your own political statement.

Me? It turns out that i have always been feeling secure all this time. I just never figure it out up until now. But then again, what i still need is a best friend. And that goes to drama, a loyal and trusted friend i can count on in my journey to the hell. That’s it, i spilled it.

chin chin!

Reconstruction

2010-04-04T23:48:00.000+07:00

I am a total retarded.

I currently re-openned this blog 'Moi' and just figured it out that some people i know read this shallow blog. I am so embarassed that people actually read these craps i wrote back on those young days. Seriously.

I've come up with several new ideas for the blog. I've changed the blog title from 'Moi' to 'Primate Drama' which i think suits me better (or perfectly?).

But! not to worry, this new blog is not as shallow as it before. It is WAY MUCH MORE shallow.

So please just relax, loosen up a bit, and bedge out while read the upcoming posts. I promise that it will be a lot more often since i have nothing significant to do in my life at this moment.

cheers!

SEKALI DANGKAL TETAP DANGKAL

2007-07-05T22:26:00.000+07:00

sampai mati...
dan aku tidak peduli...

Orang-orang yang 'tampaknya' cukup 'metal' ternyata sama saja dengan orang kebanyakan.
Laki-laki pula!
Makhluk yang sepertinya lebih mengutamakan rasio daripada perasaan.
Ternyata mereka bisa disamaratakan dengan mudah.
Se-unik apapun mereka, tetap aja mempunyai pandangan tentang perempuan yang sangat dipengaruhi patriarki.

Apa salahnya aku perempuan perokok?
Apa salahnya aku perempuan pemabuk?
Salah tidaknya hanya karena konstruksi masyarakat dari zaman ke zaman.

Hanya dari first look tingkah ku ketika mabuk--yang kebetulan saat itu sedang terkena euphoria berakhirnya UAS--mereka menjudge aku seketika itu juga.
Terserah.
Persetan.
Aku tetap profesional.
Tanya apakah kinerjaku amburadul?
Nope.
Aku perempuan profesional.
Aku pekerja profesional.
Coba lihat kinerja partnerku?
Kenapa dia tidak dicaci?
Karena dia pendiam?
Karena dia tidak merokok?
Karena dia bukan peminum?
karena dia berPENIS?

Aku tidak pernah merasa keberatan dengan tingkah laku anak-anak pasar seni yang lain.
Selama mereka tetap bekerja dengan baik.
Mereka juga pemabuk.
Mereka juga suka membuat kericuhan ketika sedang mabuk.
Apa aku pernah protes?
Tidak pernah sekali pun.

Kenapa harus aku yang menyenangkan hati mereka?
Apa mereka juga akan merasa bersalah dan berusaha memperbaiki keadaan kalau aku merasa tidak suka dengan tingkah laku mereka?
Nggak kan?
Adanya mereka merasa keluhanku konyol dan tidak masuk akal.
Sama.
Aku juga merasa keluhan mereka konyol dan tidak masuk akal.

DI MANA SIH OTAK MEREKA??
J'EN AI ASSEZ!

>iCiX< -dilecuti patriarki-

Aku dan Kehidupan Seksualku

2007-07-03T23:55:00.000+07:00

Kenapa?
Selalu muncul kata tanya ini.
Apalagi ketika menyangkut citra diriku,
refleksiku, di mata masyarakat.

Kenapa Seksualitasku yang harus muncul ke permukaan pertama kali pada setiap kali pencitraan diriku mulai dibangun di pandangan orang?
Bagi kebanyakan perempuan, itu merupakan suatu berkah kehidupan.
Buat diriku sendiri juga sebenarnya.

Tapi.
Apa tidak terasa lelah apabila setiap kali citra dibangun, bersamaan dengan itu pula gambaran yang seksual ikut muncul ke permukaan?
Terkadang kita ingin dipandang sebagai makhluk yang paling tinggi hakikatnya (katanya) dibanding makhluk ciptaan Tuhan lainnya?
Sedangkan yang membedakan kita--manusia--dari hewan adalah budi pekertinya?
Sedangkan hewan hanya menuruti nafsunya?
Dan digambarkan dengan ciri yang dekat dengan hewan...
Capek bukan?

Aku tidak pernah meminta dilahirkan dengan daya pikat seksual sedemikian rupa sehingga mampu menarik bahkan gajah ke intisari bungaku?
Jadi jangan salahkan aku kalau aku mempergunakan berkah karunia ilahi tersebut untuk mempermudah jalanku.
Aku TIDAK PERNAH meminta dicitrakan seperti itu.
Aku sudah bosan dan capek mengubah persepsi orang tentang gambaran diriku.
Toh itu semua salah kalian yang mem-prejudice aku hanya dengan first look yang kalian tangkap dari auraku yang memancar keluar.
Aku sudah dilabeli.
Dilabeli oleh masyarakat dengan pikiran yang telah terkonstruksi oleh zaman.
I AM SEXUALLY APPEALING.

iCiX
-didera cambuk perspektif-

Kita (sang Mahasiswa), Manusia yang Terjebak dalam Perbudakan Pasca Globalisasi

2007-01-09T04:18:00.000+07:00

institusi pendidikan mulai menggerogoti akal sehat bangsa...

Bisakah kita, manusia modern ini, hidup tanpa sebuah pengakuan di atas kerja?

Sebuah pengakuan yang dilegitimasi oleh lembaga yang sendi-sendinya diawali dari approval kita sendiri?

Tampaknya manusia lebih mendengarkan sang superego yang berbicara ketimbang ID-nya sendiri.

Berangkat dari teori Sigmund Freud, seharusnya ID mengalahkan kebutuhan ego dan superego.

Apa iya, sebuah pengakuan di atas kertas sebegitu pentingnya? (merujuk pada post saya sebelumnya).

Manusia diukur melalui indeks di atas selembar kertas. Kedengaran tidak rasional. Tapi realitanya menunjukkan hal sebaliknya.

Persetan dengan birokrasi!

Saya tidak mau menjadi bagian dari sistem tersebut. Sistem yang awal mulanya diciptakan oleh sebuah paham yang sangat eksploitatif.

Bicara tentang KAPITALISME

Nasib saya sungguh ironis. Kronologinya bermula dari sebuah tugas UAS. Betapa saya benci dengan para kapitalis. Namun saya tetap ikut dalam pasar yang mereka ciptakan. Apa yang saya kejar, hingga saya mau ikut bermain dalam permainan kotor ini?

Jawabannya mudah, saya powerless. Much much powerless. Kekuasaan yang saya cari harus ditelusuri melalui jalur yang diciptakan oleh predator-predato tadi. Apa ini bukan kanibalisme namanya? Yang dimangsa mental manusia.

Lantas apa yang sedang saya lakukan sekarang ini? Terjebak dalam rantai makanan yang tak berujung.

Tak apa. Toh mencoba bersikap kritis tidak ada salahnya. Setidaknya saya sudah mencoba untuk being aware. Walaupun ini merupakan justifikasi terhadap perilaku saya.

Tipikal self-defense dari yang putus asa.

peace,

iCiX

>di pagi hari menyongsong ujian lisan P.IPOL

setelah semalaman menyusun paper<

terimakasih saya ucapkan pada dosen wali saya, anda membangkitkan social aware saya.

Merci Beaucoup.

2007-01-07T15:55:00.000+07:00

MAHALNYA HARGA SEBUAH PENGALAMAN

Ketika semua mendadak berjalan secara riil,

Kita, orang-orang yang hidup di zaman modern ini, korban birokrasi ini, harus membayar mahal sebuah nilai tambah, sepenggal tambahan kalimat dalam Curriculum Vitae kita,

"PENGALAMAN KERJA"

Betapa mahal ternyata harga dua kata tersebut. Yang saya maksud mahal di sini bukan hanya dari aspek materi saja. Tapi lebih kepada seluruh daya kapasitas kita.

Ya, kesehatan mental saya jadi terganggu. Saya sebagai seorang mahasiswa Jogja, seorang pelajar dengan pola hidup yang kata orang sekarang adalah rock n roll, namun sesungguhnya lebih tepat kita sebut menggembel (justifikasi, selalu kita temukan di mana-mana), keletihan mencoba meraih cita-citanya sesuai dengan tuntutan pasar.

Saya bahkan rela untuk bekerja secara gratis. Mengapa?

Yang penting pengalaman. Resume.

Tak apa. Toh dalam dunia yang saya tinggali sekarang ini, hal tersebut m emang harus saya jalani. Sejak dulu saya tahu bahwa pengalaman memang mahal harganya, bahkan lebih mahal daripada ongkos kuliah saya. Namun saya tidak menyadari, bahwa ternyata harganya semahal ini.

Dunia saya jungkir balik. Kepala saya pun jungkir balik. Idealisme terombang-ambing. Rutinitas berubah. Saya sudah tidak bisa lagi menikmati istirahat malam saya. Jam tubuh saya berubah total. Insomnia. Mengerikan. Kepala saya dipenuhi ide-ide gila sepanjang waktu. Bagi saya ini inevitable. Tidak dapat dihindari.

Saya kelelahan. Keringat yang keluar bukan lagi sisa-sisa transpirasi tubuh saya, melainkan darah. Bukan dalam arti tersurat. Tapi saya seperti merasakan efek nyatanya.

Lelah bukan KEPARAT

Tapi apakah semua ini worth the pain? Apakah semua ini pada akhirnya akan berjalan beriringan mengantarkan saya menuju sebuah titik tertentu? Apakah ini hanya omong-kosong saya belaka, dan pada akhirnya hanya kemampuan yang menentukan? Apakah saya mempunyai bargaining position yang lebih baik daripada kompetitor-kompetitor saya?

Well, that's an experience. Dia memang selalu memasang harga tinggi. Bahkan untuk mempublikasikan tulisan ini, harus menuntut saya mengeluarkan beaya internet.

Au Revoir,

Don't get sick cuz it sucks

Love you all godong waru,

iCiX-temanmu.

>yang sedang kalut dalam proses pembuatan paper UAS<

2006-10-21T20:31:00.000+07:00

aku bete...

Seminar Uni Eropa tanggal 6-7 Desember sama sekali nggak kredibel.

Ini tuh sama sekali nggak masuk di akal. Gimana mungkin Vacanciesnya udah ditutup?? Lha wong di notificationnya nggak ada deadlinenya yang jelas kok. Kan cuma ditulis a.s.a.p. dan sebelum november, karena november ada interview lebih lanjut. Eh tanpa babibu, applicationku langsung ditolak cuz "unfortunately the vacancies have been closed", kata si surjo ganesha. Well, fortunately, aku nggak jadi kerja bareng kalian, pihak yang sejak awal hanya menuntut keprofesionalan para aplikan, tanpa menjaga keprofesionalan mereka sendiri.

"Haloo...Siapa lo di mata gue?? Pede Dahsyat!!"

warm regards too, gherken birocrates!!

(no) peace (this time),
iCiX_RocKs

first impression

2006-10-19T14:47:00.000+07:00

hi!

finally...my new electronic journal...

yahh...

happy reading...

may you all like it...

mmm...

you know what??

actually i don't care whether you like it or not...

IT'S MY THOUGHT. that's all that matters.

so suit yourselves...

and...

happy reading!!

peace,

iCiX_RocKs